What I like about Kevin

What Can i say about Kevin? Well I'm writing this because he's standing right here watching me, an what a better time to tell him the he's worse than me in almost every way?
For this message we will make a list of all the things that are good about Kevin. Then we will make a list of all the ways I top him.

1. He has a great sence of humor.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his sence of humor has only been great since he's been around me and picked up my style.

2. He's stylish. He always dresses well.
Reason it's not as good as me: I don't wanna sound rude here, but when Kevin wears nice clothes it still dosn't compare to me wearing my "bum outfit". Sorry Kevin I'm really not trying to be mean, but facts are facts.

3. He has a pleasant odor.
Reason it's not as good as me: This is actually the one thing where he is as good as me. Almost. You see, his odor is almost mine because he spends so much time in my awsome presence that even my smell rubs off on him. It's still tainted by his Tincherness, but it's darn close. Kudo's to you on this one Kev.

4. He is in very good shape.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his shape is round.

5. He has (without sounding too gay) sexy hair.
Reason it's not as good as me: Cuz it's not me you dumbasses!

6. He has good taste in earrings.
Reason it's not as good as me: Why do you think I don't wear earrings? Because it's a little gay. I don't think I need to say more about this.

7. He's educated.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because he's not nearly as educated. But you shouldn't be mocking him for that, I dare any one of you to call yourselves more educated than me. Seriously, do it, I dare you!

8. He dosn't fear my wrath.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because the only reason he dosn't fear my wrath is because I havn't brought it down upon him, you know, like i'll do to anyone who dares to say that they are smarter than me.

9. He's spiritual and loves the lord.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because the lord told me he loves me more, and that Kevin is sort of a suck up.

10. He was in a band.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his best bass solo has a smaller audience then me playing spoons for god sake!

11. He has alot of friends.
Reason it's not as good as me: I have more.

12. He gets alot of girls.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because i've given all that refuse to him.

13: Because this number matches his mental age.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because I can't say the same about myself for any number I can write to within the next few years working non stop on only writing numbers. What I mean to say is, I have the wisdom of those who have lived for thousands of years. Deal with it.

14. He's extremly athletic.
Reason it's not as good as me: He's only that way because when I was born I prayed over his feeble body and blessed him, transfering a good 10 percent of my athleticisim to him.

15. He has much more depth than he seems.
Reason it's not as good as me: Can you compare a "20 oz bottle" to the pacific? I think not.

16. He has a big family.
Reason it's not as good as me: Ever hear of the Paones?

17. He could jump off a cliff and survive the landing.
Reason it's not as good as me: I could do it from a plane.

18. He cannot tell a Lie.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because I introduced him to the truth.

19. He can have a litter of over 7 children at one time.
Reason it's not as good as me: I can adopt as many as I want at one time.

20. He can count at least this far.
Reason it's not as good as me: Cuz I have counted to Infinity.




Conclusion. If you ever live with Kevin than you will be a very lucky person. You will be in the presence of one who has been in the presence of me. Imagine how new diciples must have felt being in the presence of Peter or James. It's sorta the same. Including the excruciating deaths they experienced.
On this happy note I send this form into "match.com" in the hopes that Kevin will find a potential mate. I don't think there are any women who could resist. Except the ones that will be wondering more about me.