Monkeyfist_Man!

Late at night, when none are around,
Jesse straps on, a purplish gown,
Dealing with criminals wherever I can,
who could it be, but the monkeyfist_man?

Through hallways at night,
between a caleb-sylvia fight,
i'll give you a fright,
if your cause isn't right.

But if your lifestyle is just,
then you simply must,
meet the man with the plan,
he's the monkeyfist_man.

So at night on your comp,
or during a midnight romp,
if you value your life-span,
stay away from the monkeyfist_man.

You think I have insomnia, that cannot be true,
if I fall asleep at devotions, remember monkeys fling poo,
especially when their told, when not to sleep,
if I'm taking my slumber than don't make a peep.

Lest you find yourself in my awsome grasp,
my hands or my feet, around your throat they will clasp,
because when i'm woken, don't be absurd,
run and hide far away, lest you're beaten by the nerd.

So call me a loser, whatever you wish,
at night in my pajama's, some justice i'll dish,
and when you find yourself all alone in a can,
you'll wish you'd been nice, to the monkeyfist_man.


By Jesse

written between 9:30 and 9:48 P.M

Kevin's Rebuttal

Kevin: yeah well, I think your ugly.

What I like about Kevin

What Can i say about Kevin? Well I'm writing this because he's standing right here watching me, an what a better time to tell him the he's worse than me in almost every way?
For this message we will make a list of all the things that are good about Kevin. Then we will make a list of all the ways I top him.

1. He has a great sence of humor.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his sence of humor has only been great since he's been around me and picked up my style.

2. He's stylish. He always dresses well.
Reason it's not as good as me: I don't wanna sound rude here, but when Kevin wears nice clothes it still dosn't compare to me wearing my "bum outfit". Sorry Kevin I'm really not trying to be mean, but facts are facts.

3. He has a pleasant odor.
Reason it's not as good as me: This is actually the one thing where he is as good as me. Almost. You see, his odor is almost mine because he spends so much time in my awsome presence that even my smell rubs off on him. It's still tainted by his Tincherness, but it's darn close. Kudo's to you on this one Kev.

4. He is in very good shape.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his shape is round.

5. He has (without sounding too gay) sexy hair.
Reason it's not as good as me: Cuz it's not me you dumbasses!

6. He has good taste in earrings.
Reason it's not as good as me: Why do you think I don't wear earrings? Because it's a little gay. I don't think I need to say more about this.

7. He's educated.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because he's not nearly as educated. But you shouldn't be mocking him for that, I dare any one of you to call yourselves more educated than me. Seriously, do it, I dare you!

8. He dosn't fear my wrath.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because the only reason he dosn't fear my wrath is because I havn't brought it down upon him, you know, like i'll do to anyone who dares to say that they are smarter than me.

9. He's spiritual and loves the lord.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because the lord told me he loves me more, and that Kevin is sort of a suck up.

10. He was in a band.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because his best bass solo has a smaller audience then me playing spoons for god sake!

11. He has alot of friends.
Reason it's not as good as me: I have more.

12. He gets alot of girls.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because i've given all that refuse to him.

13: Because this number matches his mental age.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because I can't say the same about myself for any number I can write to within the next few years working non stop on only writing numbers. What I mean to say is, I have the wisdom of those who have lived for thousands of years. Deal with it.

14. He's extremly athletic.
Reason it's not as good as me: He's only that way because when I was born I prayed over his feeble body and blessed him, transfering a good 10 percent of my athleticisim to him.

15. He has much more depth than he seems.
Reason it's not as good as me: Can you compare a "20 oz bottle" to the pacific? I think not.

16. He has a big family.
Reason it's not as good as me: Ever hear of the Paones?

17. He could jump off a cliff and survive the landing.
Reason it's not as good as me: I could do it from a plane.

18. He cannot tell a Lie.
Reason it's not as good as me: Because I introduced him to the truth.

19. He can have a litter of over 7 children at one time.
Reason it's not as good as me: I can adopt as many as I want at one time.

20. He can count at least this far.
Reason it's not as good as me: Cuz I have counted to Infinity.




Conclusion. If you ever live with Kevin than you will be a very lucky person. You will be in the presence of one who has been in the presence of me. Imagine how new diciples must have felt being in the presence of Peter or James. It's sorta the same. Including the excruciating deaths they experienced.
On this happy note I send this form into "match.com" in the hopes that Kevin will find a potential mate. I don't think there are any women who could resist. Except the ones that will be wondering more about me.

M.A.T.C.H Meeting

It's finally here. And it sure took long enough. Monday is the M.A.T.C.H meeting. Yes I know, more acronyms. This one actually dosn't make much sence though. You see the "Monthly Area Teen Classes in Houston are currently being held once every few months, in San Antonio, and people from out of state (New Orleans) are known to attend.
Yes the title needs some reworking but all in all it was a great idea. I think all the young ppl who have lived in texas for the last 2 years are deeply indebted to Jeremy for coming up with this idea.
Anyway, i was really writing this post to let everyone know that I will be gone till thursday, so no new posts. And really, when I come back i'll not wanna write anything cuz I'll have just gotten back. Friday lord-willing i'll head down to the DMV and get myself and I.D. Saturday and Sunday are pretty long days but nighttime is free, we'll see what happens. Then the next monday is freeday, you really think i'm gonna spend it talking to you losers? Think again! I've got family funs to watch! Tuesday is a pretty long work day because it's the adults freeday. No they aren't gonna spend it with you losers either! Wednesday and Thursday i'll be working, maybe I'll feel like communicating to my flock, but I have my doubts. And then the cylce starts up all over again.
So you see, there really isn't time for you all in my busy schedule. But make an appointment and I'll try and work you in sometime.
Hey Someone told me something funny the other day. They said (are you ready for this?) "Jesse, you are a very proud person!" I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. Then I proceeded to flip it around on them and make it seem like they were the proud one, and you know what? Because i'm so good at what I do, it worked! Now this guy is going along thinking that he's proud (although he definetly is more proud than me, I got the victory over pride long long ago) hah, what a fool. I've also been told i'm a Sho-Vah-Nist. (I decided to give you the pronunciation rather than the word, not because i'm incapable of spelling the word cuz i'm totally capable of it ([I just go to http://www.loxyfady.com/2006/02/my-little-chauvinist.html ;) ]) but because i think that you guys are incapable of pronouncing it. See how i'm a boon to all of mankind? See how 16 years ago the lord blessed you a gift you have as of yet left unnapreciated? Well that's all about to change. I nominate March 5th as "Jesse appreciation day". You know, just shower me with compliments (women feel free to send me an "appreciative" pictures you would like) tell me how much you like my personality, wit, hair, eyes, build, general looks, spirituality, depth, anything else you can think of. And while you don't need to give me any sort of power (the lord's blessed me with that already) i'd be flattered if you'd start refering to me with a title as the leader i've been to you all these years. You see thus far I've been content with being called by my first name, but now I feel that you guys should show your appreciation more and just go ahead and call me "Master". After all i've kinda been like the lighthouse on the stormy night for many of you all your lives (including those of you that are older than me), I just feel (and I think the lord does too) that I need to be appreciated more and more.
With each passing day feel free to stop by and tell me how much you revere me, not as a god, oh no, I would be nothing without Jesus, but sort of as a "Friend-to-end-all-Friends". A role-model you can look up to, thank, praise, generally just sit at my feet and wait for me to speak, and when I do throw a week long celebration for my awsomeness. See? Do you see? There can be so much more to life than your fair-weather friends. Your friends who only act like friends when there is no one else around. You can be friends with me, and I promise your life will be changed forever. Why? Because I'll change it. Preferably not through violent means, but when your out of line (for instance making the insinuation that i'm not several times more intelligent than you or your entire bloodline for years to come is or ever will be) then I may have to correct you. But don't worry, even my corrections are done in love.
Now, i'm by no means perfect, but I think as far as we mortals go, i'm about as close as it gets. I don't mean to sound proud here, and this should be in no way taken as a "look how good Jesse is lets all lift him on our shoulders" but I can't help it if some people get that impression. And those of you who get that impression and do what you think I am asking you to do, I will no try to stop you. But those of you who think i'm out of line are free to not be my friend at any time you like. Oh sure there may be consequences. But sometimes ppl just disappear because they really did fall of a cliff during a hike. Just cuz a person disappears dosn't nessiscarily mean they were "taken-out", I wish you all wouldn't be so paranoid. Anyway, I sinscerly hope this message finds you all in good health, and I will pray that you all find creative ways to appreciate me tommorrow. May the lord watch over you and any form of gift you may have bought me.










Disclaimer: This is intended as a joke. Try not to be offended by it. Lets not be overly sensitive shall we?