Proffesional Eating

I stuck a plum in my mouth today. I ate it in one bite. Sound like a big feat? Not really. When I was 3 I won the award at our church for biggest smile. A little while later I tested my biting ability and realized I had somewhat of a large mouth. Over the next few years I practiced stuffing large quantities of food in my mouth at one time. It gradually went from half a hamburger, to a whole hamburger. Then a whole whopper, then somewhere in the vicinity of 100 french fries, a handful of saltine snack crackers (10 I belive it was).
Now most of you probably think this is no big deal and quite easy. The thing that makes it tricky is not only stuffing the large quantity of food in your mouth, but actually downing it. That's chewing and swallowing it without use of your hands, utensils or anything but your mouth. Simply keeping the food in your mouth is a challenge, today I tested my abilities with two mouthwatering plums. I was in the middle of chewing them up, slowly but surely, I was doing it, unfortunatly I had an audience who was half grossed out, and half cheering me on, but mostly laughing. Sadly theirl laughter got to me, and on about my fourth laugh a Jetstream of half-chewed plum shot out of my mouth, very similar to a stream of vomit.
My half-cheering, half grossed audience, quickly became a fully grossed audience, and as with most gross things laughed all the more, uncontrolably also.

One could say I failed in my attempt to eat 2 plums at once. I don't consider it a failure, merely an opportunity to try again. Hopefully I will have a clip in a few days of me and Kevin attempting this once more, this time in a contest to see who will do it fastest. And this time....no laughing.

The beginning of the end?

Well, for once i'm not posting for kicks and giggles, or in an attempt to figure out how to get more of them. The topic is one that 90% of my readers will yawn at, and probably one or two will ooh and awe at, but I ask you to have an open mind as I explain my position.

The topic is the growing conflict in the middle east. I know some of you guys don't believe in the "Endtime" but for those of you who do...this is some scary s*#t man! This could very well set into motion a chain of events that will bring the Anti-christ regime into power. Think about it? Those of you who read the GN's have read about this big thing that's supposed to be happening in the states in august. Do you suppose it could have something to do with this conflict?
For those of you who don't know (and that's probably just ben) for the last week israel has been attacking and bombing all over lebbanon (however you spell that), hundreds of american citizens are being evacuated out of the country, and both sides say they will not cease the fighting until the other does.
Anyone who knows the stability in the middle east right now can see how this could escalate into a war that will cover the entire region, if Iran joins in we could be looking at some serious trouble. They are already on shaky grounds with the states cuz they won't give up their nuclear program. I don't know too many details, but I know that things could start to get serious. What do you think?

OH-, was du mit dem Internet tun kannst

Haha, dachte ich, daß ich gerade versuchen würde, in einer anderen Sprache für eine änderung bekanntzugeben. Ich hoffe, daß du Kerle Deutsches sprichst. Wenn jedermann die Zeit und die Bemühung nimmt, dieses zu übersetzen, ist mein Hut aus zu dir. Aber für jetzt meinen Hut bleibt auf meinem Kopf. Und selbst wenn ich ihn beseitige, gebe ich ihn nie dir, es bin mein Hut, den du stößt. Deine Selbst erhalten. Das Sprechen von erhalten deine Selbst, dich kann deine eigene Eiscreme auch erhalten, ich kann nicht dir erklären, viele Zeitleute versucht haben lassen, etwas von meiner Eiscreme zu erhalten. Es ist meins du Rucke! Sowieso zu jedermann, das Deutsches spricht, für Messwert danke! Auf Wiedersehen!

Help!

I've begun to have an increasing amount of respect for ppl that can post something new on their blog every day. Even if it isn't always interesting. I've even started to respect those who can keep up with once a week. I keep coming back to this increasingly lamer blog and wondering if maybe a new post could spice things up...keep it alive. I havn't really had an interesting post since before wordstock. Just isn't right. But each time I sit down to type something new I find out that nothing comes. It's a shame, really. I guess the real reason is because when I feel really inspired it's usually very late at night, and then I need to go to bed in order to wake up on time (which i've been getting in trouble for not doing lately) and so I can't sit down and write something. Although whether I do or not I don't end up getting to bed until late anyway.
Anyhow I thought maybe those of you who can't seem to shutup on your blog could maybe give some pointers on how to keep posting so much. Or maybe those of you with funny blogs could give me a tip on how to keep it fresh an interesting. Any ideas?

Independence Day

Foreword by the Author


Any non americans my not find this post to be patriotically fullfilling. If this is an essential ingredient for you for a comfortable blog read, please skip this post.

I just got back from Austin lastnight. Took a bus on monday, and spent the fourth of july with my brothers. I've never travelled alone before. I've heard lots of horror stories about buses, so I wasn't too anxious to get on one, especially not alone. It turned out to be pretty uneventful though. I didn't even know buses had "in-flight" movies.
I saw the movie Napoleon Dynamite for the first time, and I'm sure I'll be quoting lines from it for the next few years.
I had a few debates about things of the spirit (which by the way are impossible to win as long as the answer to every question is "your thinking in terms of the flesh, we don't understand the spirit" it may be true, but makes an argument impossible to win on either side).
I had some fun, and got to spend some time with my family which was nice.
Had a cookout, a few video game tournaments, and quite a few sessions of people just sitting around laughing.
I guess i'm only posting this cuz I have nothing else to say, and seeing that some ppl have been complaining that I don't post enough, I thought I'd just put something. Perhaps something funny will come later.